Friday, 12 July 2013

Triangles, Gran's food, Multi-buys and the greatest battle in the galaxy...




Why is it that sandwiches cut into triangles always taste better? Don't even try to disagree with me here, you all know that I speak the truth. Even if you've made them yourself, with the same ingredients, as soon as you pull that knife (careful, watch fingers) through that bread and it's contents from corner to corner, you know instantly that it's going to taste so much better than a standard cut sarnie. For some bizarre reason, they also seem bigger too. Perhaps it's why pre-packed sandwiches are cut into triangles; they manufacturer knows that the majority of customers are going to dislike them, so they cut them this way to at least have a chance! Can you imagine what a pre-packed service station sandwich would taste like if it was standard cut?
     Let's say that we've made our triangular sandwich for a packed lunch. to go with it we'll have some crisps, in our house usually from a multi-pack. I've often wondered why multi-pack food carries the warning "Not to be sold separately." Surely a cost-related statement, but has any shop dared to try and sell one of these items? Has anyone dared to tempt the wrath of...what exactly? Perhaps a black van will pull up outside the outlet and a group of large enforcers dressed in black will jump out, seize the miscreant, and of course the offending article will be destroyed by some more enormous squares of men. All this goes on while a few "suits" create a perimeter while peering through sunglasses and holding a finger to an ear as if glued in.
     Another entry in the "Food tastes better if" section is the one concerning the fact that if the food, again the same as you'd have at home, is cooked by your Gran, it tastes out of this world. I can see many of you nodding your heads already; you know what I mean. Sausages, Battered fish, name it. It doesn't matter what the meal is, it always tastes better when Gran makes it. I think that when Grandparents become Grandparents they receive a bag of powder, which when added to a meal (to be eaten by Grandchildren), gives it that extra something that many of us have tasted. Coincidentally, the powder is usually attached to a note stating that "As Grandparents there's every chance you'll be asked to babysit now-sorry!"
     I know that due to severe allergic reactions, food has to state information regarding it's associated production with nuts. However, it seems to me that soon there may be no end to this relationship. In that I mean that labelling may soon read: "Contains no nuts. Factory is not associated with nuts. Not transported with nuts.THERE ARE NO NUTS HERE! The fella who packaged the food can't stand nuts. Not even the lads magazine Nuts.Hold on, no sorry, Geoff in accounts likes nuts, so who knows!" I know it's all legal and safety measures but sometimes I just don't know. having said that, I did see a bar of peanut brittle which did say on the back "May contain nuts." May? Hello?
     Moving away from food now, in my long-overdue blog update, something caught my eye not long ago concerning two of my interests; Star Wars and Doctor Who. The Norwich Star Wars club met their match during the fourth Norwich film and sci-fi convention at the University of East Anglia in May. A rival group, the Norwich Sci-Fi Club turned up (not in Tardises, Tardis'..whatever)and started to use prise a way through to Doctor Who stars at the event. Now the Imperial forces of the Star Wars club weren't happy about this and, according to a Doctor Who fan dressed as the fifth Doctor Peter Davidson, began verbal abuse! I can hear them now, shouting at him in muffled tones due to the stormtrooper masks, "You scruffy-looking nerf herder! Your house is a wretched hive of scum and villainy!" Perhaps even "Your mum is more machine than woman;twisted and evil!" Then again, I'm sure it was fairly good natured and anyway, the Doctor would just travel back in time and well, you know the rest.

P.S. Imagine if Gran made a triangular sandwich...wow.


Wednesday, 1 May 2013

A thumbs up to Roger, old photos & splashing around!



As promised, here is my monthly blog update...That wasn't a very inviting sentence, was it? Well as long as you're still reading, I shall carry on and tell you what has been happening this past month in the exciting world of the average man.
     We had decided that for Rose's birthday in January we would go to the Splash Landings Hotel and water park at Alton Towers and stay overnight to make best use of the facilities. However, we couldn't go until April and so as a result it became a sort of birthday treat for us all. In our house we don't have birthdays, we have birthweeks. This is a system whereby you are allowed to have treats during the week before our birthday without fear of feeling guilty.
    We had a fantastic time there, the accommodation was clean and comfortable and the buffet food, whilst not particularly cheap, was of a good quality. The hotel was not the highlights of the trip though, that honour had to go to the (mostly) indoor water park that was part of the complex. There were indoor water slides (one of which Rose got stuck in and we had a lifeguard eventually help with) and there were outdoor water slides (I don't care if science states that -273.15 degrees Celsius is absolute zero, they were colder). We went on a sort of "Lazy River" that just pulled us along whilst jets of water shot at us from barrels and buckets of water tipped on our heads (both of these attacks seem to get me the most..hmmm.) And of course we had what you get quite often in a large pool with lots of excited kids...a p..Suffice to say that the filter system did a good job and we were allowed back in, after being assured it was safe to do so, after about ten minutes. The upshot of the break we had was that due to being soaked in chlorine for the best part of five hours each day, I was ready to audition for the part of "Prune Face" from Star Wars, or possibly the fella who gets toxic waste on him in Robocop. Oh, I think the kids had a good time too!
     I had my first radio interview this month too. I was invited by Pete Cooper from BBC Radio Northampton to talk about the DVD release of The Hobbit and the very sad news about the passing of Roger Ebert, arguably the greatest ever film critic. I was quite nervous but I felt that we had a good chat and after a few comments from various people, it seemed to come across quite well. Hopefully there shall be more of those to follow. In memory of Roger Ebert I am also proposing that on the anniversary of his death, April 4th, film reviewers would perhaps like to dedicate their reviews to him. So any reviewers reading this, put it in your diaries now! My film article and review writing has increased a lot this past month and as such my calendar for evenings is a mixture of film watching, writing reviews and constructing articles. I'm still enjoying it for now so I enjoy being busy with it.
     Finally, this month my wife and my friends dug some old photos of us all that were taken about 15 years ago! To begin with I was cringing, but after a while and remembering when they were taken and what we were doing at the time, they actually brought back some great memories I have of those times. It was when many long-term friendships gained their foundations that would ensure that we were still friends all this time later, irrespective of the distance some of us are apart. Of course I hope, for many more years to come too For some of you who read this, you know who you are!



Tuesday, 12 March 2013

That was then, this is now.

It's been a while since I last posted on here, too long in fact. To begin with, just over a year ago when the journal of the Average Man began, I was quite active on here. Last August though, thanks to Helen Cox, creator of New Empress film magazine and website, I began my foray into film reviews and article writing. I would like to hope that sometime in the future I will be able to look back at that moment and say "That truly was the Secret of my Success." Any of you who have read my first published article will know what that means, for those of you who don't, what are you waiting for!? Get over to www.newempressmagazine.com and take a look!

Around this time my Nana passed away. We knew it was on the cards and she had defied all predictions made by various Doctors. The original suggestion was that she wouldn't make our wedding in 2003. She batted this idea away and continued, becoming a guinea pig of sorts for various drugs before, in my eyes, defeating cancer by preventing it from causing any more pain and moving on. I can only hope that she knows how my writing has progressed and that I would have liked to show her what I have achieved.

Following on from another previous post concerning cars I have owned, the Rover 25 was part exchanged for my current chariot, a fine Renault Laguna Estate. Gold (not buff) in colour, this 1998 vintage Gallic chariot has a boot which can accommodate several "Daisies." There's still only one of those...for the minute!

In addition to writing for New Empress I have had articles and reviews published by www.lostinthemultiplex.com and www.couchpotatoclub.com. More recently my reviews have been published on my local newspaper's website www.northantstelegraph.co.uk from which I hope more people will enjoy reading my views and reviews on film.

My wife has continued to set and achieve new goals; she is capable of making the best cakes I have ever seen and recently received a City & Guilds Level 1 in Image Capture/Photo Imaging passing with a distinction. I am very proud of her.

I intend to write a new post every month, so keep popping back and taking a look. You never know what you'll find. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, I watched Twiglet:Breaking Wind farts 1 & 2 last night. Lost Boys was one movie that was better than all four of the Cullen's efforts combined. I preferred Pattison as Diggory after the Dark Lord had performed Avada Kedavra on him. As for Kristen Stewart, well I thought she laughed at one point but apparently it was just wind. Bela Lugosi would turn in his coffin. As you were Buffy.